How to Bust Up the Gotei 13
by flamesandblackroses
Summary: This is a guide on how to reduce the Gotei 13 into gibbering wrecks. enjoy :
1. Chapter 1

Squad 1

1. Braid Yamamoto's beard like Unohana's hair and insist on calling him Unohana senior.

2. Rant on and on about trivial stuff until he falls asleep. Then charge the Gotei 13 $5 to gawk at him.

3. During one of his tea ceremonies, announce you wish to have a chug contest with Yamamoto to see who can chug down more scalding tea.

4. Pretend to choke and punch yourself in the stomach as an attempt to spit up the tea.

5. Spit said tea in his face and give a pat on the back. Then use his haori as a towel and wipe the dripping liquid of his face.

6. Go up to Chojiro Sasakibe and yell in his face "Who the hell you?"

7. Pretend you are writing an autobiography about his life and only write one sentence and leave the other 356 pages blank

8. Mix his tea leaves and some sleeping pills from Unohana together and tell him it's a new kind of drink from the western culture.

9. Invite Yachiru over and give her a marker. Promise her if she does a good job, you'll give her candy.

10. Take picture of the finished artwork on Sasakibe's face and sell it to the Shingami Women's Association. (hey, at least no one will forget his face)

Squad 2

1. Follow Soi Fon everywhere and hum the Mission Impossible song everywhere she goes.

2. Photoshop a picture of Yoruichi and Urahara together (drunk) and mail it to Soi Fon.

3. Ask Mayuri Kurosutchi to make a bunch of cat themed merchandise. Them carve Kisuke's name onto the items and mail them off to Soi Fon.

4. Way early in the morning, play Madonna's 4 Minutes to wake her up.

5. Plant rice cracker wrappers all over the division barracks and blame it on Omaeda.

6. Tell Omaeda he's an ugly, fat, lardass.

7. Ask him to take an I.Q test that was approve by Mayuri and post the results all over the Seireitei.

8. Challenge him to race Soi Fon in a shunpo contest and have his family come to watch.

9. Ask him if he would like to gay out with someone and look pointedly at Soi Fon.

10. Write "jolly fat man and damn proud of it" on the back of his jolly fat head.

Squad 3

1. Make the Squad 3 office smell like persimmon because Izuru really hates the stuff.

2. Sing a loud, delicious theme song for him from various artists (Madonna, Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga, etc) and make people look at him weird. Tell Izuru it was requested from Shuhei and Momo.

3. Invite Rangiku to his office with several bottles of sake and a "few" drinking friends at midnight in Hitsuguya's office.

4. Ask him if he's emo.

5. Ask him if he's goth. (make sure to draw attention to yourself while doing this).

Squad 4

1. Invite Yachiru during Unohana's Ikebana lesson's and eat the flowers like a cow then spit them back out in front of her.

2. Shy away from her and anyone who made contact with her in a hysterical manner.

3. Throw a loud party in Squad 4 barracks and tell Unohana its for her so she can't do anything about it.

4. Casually imply Ukitake's name every time you have a conversation to her and ask her in front of squad members, if she like him.

5. Write sappy love letters addressed from Ukitake and Shunsui to her.

6. List the chronological order of Isane's growth with the inches and post them over the Seireitei.

7. Shrink her clothing to make her think she's grown

8. Innocently slip kamaboko (fish cakes) into Isane's porridge and watch her eat it.

9. Give her sleeping pills you stole from Unohana and slip them into a beverage of hers.

10. Play lullabies in her room because she knows she doesn't and can't sleep because she doesn't want to get any taller.

Squad 5

1. Every time you talk to her, say isn't the weather _peachy_ today?"

2. Give her plum juice because she hates it.

3. Ask if she wants to play spin the bottle with Toshiro.

4. Doodle on the sides of her favorite books.

5. Give her a bottle of sake with a label that says from Renji and Izuru.

Squad 6

1. Put temporary tattoos on Byakuya's face.

2. Or better yet, have Yachiru draw something on with a permanent marker.

3. Overly decorate Senbonzakura with cherry blossoms from his favorite tree.

4. Forge a funny letter that was "from" Yoruichi and let Soi Fon at him.

5. Eat his seaweed ambassador cookies than spit them back out in his face.

6. Ask Renji if he got the tattoos from a shop or if they are natural (if you look at the manga, he didn't start getting tattoos until he started the academy)

7. Ask if he's queer because he has a flair for buying pink floral night clothing. (it almost resembles Shunsui Kyoraku)

8. Slip hot sauce in his lunch and tell him that Byakuya did it.

9. Buy him a pair of flamboyant sunglasses from the Seireitei's Silver Dragonfly Glasses Shop.

10. Have the lenses "tricked out" in hearts and flowers. (best results would vary if you took a really girly person with you. -cough Yachiru cough- -cough Yumichika cough-)

Squad 7

1. Shove a huge bucket on Komamura's head and tell him you're just helping him find another helmet.

2. Go to the human world and buy a 50lb bag of dog food. Tell Komamura you bought it for him so he has to eat it. In front of you.

3. Arrange a doggy "play date" with a handsome female or better yet a male dog.

4. Ask Mayuri to make a meat scented perfume just for him.

5. Give him bone-themed gifts. (Halloween skeletons would be better)

6. Take away Tetsuzaemon's sunglasses and give them to Renji.

7. Make a fake confession "from" Matsumoto, Rangiku and see if she'll take him or not. (not)

8. Send a photo to all Shinigami Men's Association, depicting him as a gangster/ballerina.

9. If this works, then his pride as a man would be the butt of the Shinigami Women's Association's jokes.

10. Write "loser" all over his face.

Squad 8

1. Redirect Squad 10's paperwork over to Squad 8 and have Shunsui do it. By himself.

2. Have Mayuri make a robot that can change into a man or a woman. When the robot is about to kiss him, make it change into a man.

3. Set him up on a blind date with a lady/man or both.

4. Expose him to Nanao's terrifying, life-scarring death glare with her glasses off.

5. Have Nanao take away all his sake and lock him away forever from the outside world until a handsome prince saves him. (Jushiro Ukitake)

6. Replace Nanao with Nemu as vice chairwoman at the Shinigami Women's Association.

7. Take away that heavy book in Nanao's hands and replace it with a comic.

8. Make the office smell like sake.

9. Pay Shunsui to cause havoc in the division, then let her find out you paid him to do so.

10. Have Yachiru throw a rowdy party with Shunsui advising her what to do.

Squad 9

1. Teach Shuhei how to play Barbie World on the guitar and encourage him to play this song for squad members.

2. Give him expired free food.

3. Give him an additional tattoo on his face that says "kiss me, I'm drunk"

4. Set him up with Matsumoto, Rangiku and see how she reacts.

5. Introduce him to Guitar Hero and tell him he can't afford it.

Squad 10

1. Ask Rangiku to arrange a surprise ambush for his fan girls.

2. Have his division blast Mariah Carey's Obsessed all day and announce that it would be his new theme song.

3. Tell him you won't let him do his paperwork in peace until he dances to Obsessed. (have Matsumoto videotape this).

4. Laugh at every sentence he says even though they aren't funny at all. (Also comment on his lack of humor. It's like he was born without one).

5. Make a fort using his enormous stacks of finished paperwork. If he tries to stop you, aim a fan at the fort and threaten to blow away his work.

6. Replace all of Rangiku's sake with rice flavored juice (if that's possible)

7. Make Toshiro take the day off and force Matsumoto to do the work while listening to people talk outside all day.

8. Ask her personal questions when she drunk (carry a notepad on you all the time) and post the answers to the division. (it doesn't matter if they are incoherent)

9. Ban shopping 4ever or at least when Toshiro is gone. (which is never)

10. Gel her beautiful hair into a hilarious design (make sure the gel stays there so she can't was it off)

Squad 11

1. Take Kenpachi's sword and make it into a toy for Yachiru.

2. Replace all the cool guys in Squad 11 with drooling noobs.

3. Said noobs can't fight. At all.

4. Give Yachiru so much candy that even Kenpachi can't stop her sugar rush.

5. Steal a bell from his hair and give it to Yachiru as a "jingly" candy.

6. Give Yachiru fruit instead of candy.

7. Say stuff like you're Mayuri so you confuse her.

8. Make her eat vegeatbles.

9. Pull one of Yachiru's classic pranks on her and see how she reacts )with a camera) and sell it to the Shinigami women's Association.

10. Catch Yachiru's temper tantrum on tape and give it to Byakuya.

Squad 12

1. Give Mayuri clown makeup so he'll look happy instead of that stupidass look he has on his face.

2. Hide a large boom box in his lab and play loud rap songs all day.

3. Have Hachigen put a barrier around the boom box so he can't destroy the boom box.

4. Pretend the Sou-taicho needs Nemu so Mayuri has to finish every scrap of work by himself.

5. Cut his middle fingernail.

6. It is physically impossible to annoy Kurosutchi, Nemu.

7. It is mentally impossible to annoy Kurosutchi, Nemu.

8. Thanks a lot, Mayuri.

Squad 13

1. Be all cheerful with Ukitake until the point where every word you say is like a sugar unicorn coming from rainbow land.

2. Go on a sugar rush (do this with yachiru)

3. Style his girlish white hair into a very feminine hairstyle. (pigtails, etc)

4. Give him fish flavored tea.

5. Say it was the courtesy of Shunsui Kyoraku.

Author's note. If you already tried these out then I hope it worked otherwise then sorry because your ass will be burned, frozen, stung, cherried blossomed, and poisoned. If it did work then the only one who should be sane would be Nemu Kurosutchi.

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Reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

I have decided to make "How to Bust Up the Gotei 13" a continuing story! Enjoy! :D

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Squad 1

1. Set up an appointment with Unohana-taicho to check Yamamoto's hips.

2. Have Chojiro Sasakibe give him the "Kiss Of Life" when he is napping.

3. Pay Chojiro to act like a retirement home nurse with 'attention'.

4. Replace Yamamoto's haori with something more modern (like a sparkly disco cape)

5. Let Mayuri Kurosutchi check his hips instead of Unohana.

6. Intoduce Chojiro Sasakibe to the magic invention of Alcohol.

7. Get rid of everything that remind him of tea and set him up with Matsumoto-fukutaicho.

8. The Shinigami Women's Association should take care of the rest with their cameras.

9. Published said pictures in the Seireitei Comnunication Magazine.

10. Let him freak about his up-rising, but bad popularity

Squad 2

1. Have Shuhei Hisagi play a very cool theme song that is so catchy that even she has to hum it 24/7

2. Place tape recorder around Urahara Shoten and speaker that can't be seen in the Squad 2 barracks.

3. Announce that Yoruichi Shihoin, the Princess of the Shihoin Clan is going to get married. (make sure your first stop is at midnight, in Soi Fon's room)

4. To Soi Fon herself.

5. And her bridesmaid is none other than . . . Drum Roll . . . Kisuke Urahara and Tessai Tsukabishi.

6. Use purple paint and draw/write "Barney is in the house" on Omaeda Marechiyo's back.

7. Sic Yachiru Kusajishi on the fat guy.

8. Put him in a competition for Sumo Wrestling.

9. Seeing him in a loin cloth is downright terrifying/hilarious.

10. Offer Soi Fon premium tickets to see the match . . .

Squad 3

1. When Kira Izuru is drunk, offer him some new clothes. (say out of Yumichika's wardrobe.

2. Everything he sees must be in the color PINK.

3. Sign him up for the Sumo Wrestling competition and have him face . . . Omaeda.

4. Show him Bleach Yaoi.

5. With Shuhei Hisagi and Renji Abarai.

Squad 4

1. Put Unohana in a staring contest with Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni.

2. Fix her up in a blind date with Mayuri Kurosutchi.

3. Get them both drunk so they would "make the best of it".

4. During her drunken stage, maybe you could get Shunshui Kyoraku and Jushiro Ukitake to hit on her.

5. Show her picture of the previous night's events. (make sure she doesn't do anything she might regret)

6. Dare Isane Kotetsu to wear a pair of high heels.

7. Put super adhesive glue in the soles.

8. Now she has no options, but to walk in broad daylight with shoes that make her look taller than she really is.

9. Make Isane room smell like fish cakes.

10. Place a recording of a lullaby in Kotetsu's bedroom and play it repeatedly until she has no choice, but to fall asleep.

Squad 5

1. Call Momo Mom "accidentally", but keep repeating this over and over again until she goes insane.

2. Draw a chart showing how many people think that Hitsuguya and Momo should get together and leave it somewhere she would find it. (Bath house, bedroom, her office, one of her higher ranking subordinates, or all of her higher ranking subordinates . . . )

3. Show this chart to Hitsuguya also.

4. Play matchmaker with Hitsuguya and Hinamori.

5. Screw up their schedules so it makes it look like the other is purposely stalking each other

Squad 6

1. Make up some fake assignment for Kenpachi so Byakuya would have to babysit Yachiru.

2. Give Yachiru some permanent markers so she could make a nice mural for Byakuya to look at night . . .

3. Make some parodies of Byakuya's Seaweed Ambassador. (Make sure you hand out copies before Yachiru leaves.

4. Lie to him that Rukia is together with Ichigo.

5. Explain to him it was actually suppose to be Renji.

6. Get Renji drunk so he will make one too many dumbass remarks to Byakuya.

7. Announce that he would have to take Unohana's Ikebana lessons .

8. During these lessons, Unohana would probably use her sixth sense of scary on Renji.

9. Tell him that it was a hoax and that he didn't need to go the those classes.

10. Tie him up and deliver him to Byakuya's room where he will explode a whole lot angry and earn a whole lot of owies.

Squad 7

1. Let Yachiru put a leash on Komamura and walk him around the Soul Society.

2. Give him beef flavored dog kibble when you hear someone coming towards the Squad 7 office.

3. If he won't eat it willingly, then shove it up his mouth.

4. Paint "wide load" on Komamura's haori.

5. Keep petting him on the head. (note: injuries substained by climbing to his head will not be responsible by the author. If you are reading this, then you are warned.)

6. Ask Tetsuzaemon how he can get so many stomach cramps in just one day.

7. When he leave the bathroom, put a "out of order" sign and write a note of who did it.

8. Leave a fake map of all the busted restrooms in the Soul Society and send it to Nanao.

9. Shinigami Women's Association will probably publish said map in the Seireitei Communication Magazine.

10. And Iba will be the butt of the S.W.A's jokes AGAIN.

Squad 8

1. Let Yachiru draw whiskers all over Shunsui.

2. Expose Kyoraku to both Nanao and Unohana's heart attack-inducing glares.

3. Have the sentence "Is Shunsui Kyoraku a homosexual?" written on the gossip column of the Seireitei Communication Magazine.

4. Photoshop a picture of Ukitake and Kyoraku making out and put the picture as a bit of proof for the statement that came previously. (You can put anyone's head there. As long as whoever is making out with Kyoraku is a male.)

5. He can't party hardy with anyone until he does all his work.

6. Get Matsumoto to give Nanao a makeover so she does not scare anyone else out of their living daylights.

7. Help her find a boyfriend.

8. Or a cat.

9. Take away the Shinigami Women's Association's funds and give it to the Shinigami MEN'S Association.

10. Demote from her current position as Vice Chairwoman of the S.W.A.

Squad 9.

1. Tell Matsumoto what Shuhei Hisagi really thinks of her.

2. Try to set up a date with Matsumoto for him.

3. If she accepts, then make it at the kitchen of Omaeda's place.

4. If she doesn't, then he will eating alone at the kitchen of Omaeda's place.

5. Play some incredibly hard piece of guitar music and let him try to mimic you.

Squad 10

1. Let Matsumoto make a "pretty supermodel" out of Toshiro.

2. Let him see people's opinion/illustrations of who Hitsuguya should be with.

3. Persuade the S.W.A to make a poll for "The Soul Society's Most Eligible Bachelors and put Hitsuguya's name on the ballot.

4. Hopefully, he will get first place and girls will be hounding him wherever he goes.

5. If not then he is the Soul Society's second/third/fourth/etc most eligible bachelor and girls will still be hounding him.

6. Play a hoax on the entire Soul Society that Matsumoto's famous cleavage are actually implants.

7. Feed her rice flavor cider instead sake and watch her get more mad then drunk. (is it possible to get drunk on cider?)

8. Have Byakuya Kuchiki clear out every single clothing store in the Soul Society or the World of the Living so Matsumoto can not shop.

9. Say that Yumichika Ayasegawa is more beautiful then her.

10. Watch her mental breakdown at this, tape it, and put it on SoulSocietytube. (the equivalent of our Youtube)

Squad 11

1. Introduce Kenpachi to yaoi parings of himself and someone else.

2. Refer to him as "God's teddy bear that desperately need plastic surgery."

3. Ask him "How much steroids does Kurosutchi give you?"

4. Let Yachiru redecorate the Squad 11 barracks.

5. Use Mayuri's make up to make him look like a classic circus clown.

6. Give Yachiru so much candy that she would go on the biggest sugar rish she's ever gone on.

7. She will probably crash hard.

8. Prank her using one of her own practical jokes and tape it.

9. Show the tape to the rest of the S.W.A.

10. Then run like hell before she kicks all of your asses.

Squad 12

1. Introduce Mayuri to the human band known as "Kiss".

2. The Soul Society will probably scream at his new make up and garb that resembles "Star Child" of the Kiss band.

3. Make a compound that will effectively change his gender for one whole week.

4. Have the Seireitei Communication Magazine make a test for both Unohana and Mayuri to take. Then post the results in next month's issue of the Sereitei Communication Magazine.

5. Hopefully Unohana beat him.

6. Where is the "feelings" switch on Nemu Kurosutchi?

7. Also what did you do to her sense of humor?

8. Damn you, Mayuri!

Squad 13

1. Have Ukitake try some tea that were specifically concocted by Mayuri Kurosutchi.

2. Let it slip that Ukitake has a secret girlfriend/wife to his two third seats.

3. Kiyone Kotetsu and Sentaro Kotsubaki will probably be trying to flirt with their white haired captain.

4. Actually, Kiyone and ukitake are not a bad couple . . .

5. But Sentaro and Ukitake is . . .

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Author's note: After Flamesandblackroses published this on FanFiction , she was brutally maimed by some of our beloved Bleach characters. But she survived due to that pack of of unfinished Sour Skittles in her pockets. So we all learn the leason that Sour Skittles can be a cure to major burns, frostbites, poisons, giant samurais, and weight that you're not suppose to gain until you're 58 years old. (note: results may vary)

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Review to suggest some ideas. I'll publish them here with full credit (I'm a lot of things, but not a thief!) Bye and remember, Reviews! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Hello people :) Thank you spaceisforstars. and BlackRoses274 for reviewing. Enjoy :)

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Squad 1

1. Have Yamamoto try to tutor Kenpachi Zaraki in the fine arts of calligraphy.

2. Give him a laxative overdose.

3. Try not to laugh when he makes farting sounds at the Captain Meetings.

the blame on someone who has a high status, such as Byakuya Kuchiki, Shunsui Kyoraku, and Soi Fon.

5. Run like hell when they chase after you.

6. Give Chojiro Sasakibe fashion advice.

7. Or better yet, enroll him in Matsumoto Rangiku's Sexy Lessons.

8. Encourage him to wear the things that Matsumoto picks out for him. (pink tank tops, sports bra, thong?)

9. Tell him that men in the Real World like to show off their newly updated clothing. It makes them more confident.

10. Congratulations, you have just made the Lieutenant of Squad 1 a transvestite.

Squad 2

1. Tie yourself super tight onto Soi Fon's back and have her carry you around like a mule. (WARNING: if you are not Yoruichi Shihion, then I suggest you put on some armor before you do this. Possible outcomes include death, broken bones, or a foot shoved up your ass)

2. Write a fake letter of confession of love to Soi Fon. Forge Omaeda's signature on the love note.

3. Tell Soi Fon that Yoruichi has arranged for someone to court her. Namely, someone who was previously the Squad 12 taicho.

4. Compare her to the animated human television called "Sonic".

5. And cross your finger that she will not accidentally turn back time.

6. Make that loud beeping sound that you hear when a truck backs up the next time you see Omaeda Marechiyo walk past you.

7. Seal off his room and tell him that 10.0 earthquake occurred when he was walking around.

8. Tell him his whole family is as ugly as him and the only one who is the handsome/pretty one is his youngest sister. (his mom and sister creep me out)

9. He has no sense of style no matter what he tells you.

10. Try to avoid his gigantic feet (cough . . . Yachiru . . .cough)

Squad 3

1. Pit Izuru Kira in a situation where he had to fight for something he really loved with Shuhei Hisagi.

2. Ask him repeatedly if he like Momo.

3. Ask this same question to Hitsuguya Toshiro.

4. Be sure to casually mention this to Hitsuguya. (I am very sure that all of you would not like frostbites on your butts or any other regions of your body)

5. Play scream-o rock music all day in his office.

Squad 4

1. Call Retsu Unohana Captain Mom.

2. Find some way to sneak similar, but human medicines into the Squad 4 pharmacy.

3. Get her to test a machine that Mayuri invented to magnify her coma-inducing stare.

4. Ask her how old she is? (Do the math. A hundred and ten years ago, when Yoruichi was still here, she didn't have a braid in the front. She was taicho for over two hundred years with Shunsui and Ukitake. Damn she is old. Exagerrate on the "old" part)

5. Then post your findings in the Seireitei Communication Magazine.

6. Get Isane to sleep for once.

7. If its possible, then obtain a contraption that will allow you to go into her dreams. If you don't have the power to get something like that, then I suggest you stand right next to her bed and whisper "The fish cakes are coming, Isane Kotetsu . . . And they're coming for your head!" *Insert your evil laugh here*

8. If you have found a machine that WILL allow you to enter her dreams, then use it to create an army of pillows and fish cakes.

9. A classic evil villain (you) will stand on a rocky pillar *insert your evil laugh here* with their evil armies marching and a huge red swirly cloud above them.

10. Step away from the bed before Kotetsu-fukutaicho slaps you by accident.

Squad 5

1. Play the funeral march whenever you see Momo Hinamori.

2. Set up a "date" between Hitsuguya/Renji/Izuru. (You choose. What the hey, you can put in all three at once.)

3. Just don't let them know it is a date. Write on the note "It is a friendly meeting that will end up making everyone happy." (or sadder then they already are)

4. Pay Kiyone Kotetsu and Nemu Kurosutchi to take secret photos of said outing.

5. Lets all hope when the S.W.A puts those photos out for the Seireitei Communication Magazine, it shows Hinamori making out . . .or slapping somebody

Squad 6

1. When addressing the noble Byakuya Kuchiki, make sure you use a snooty British accent.

2. Call him "Governor"

3. Or better yet, Mum.

4. Convince the Captain Commander to use said snooty British Accent at spontaneous Captain Meeting at Midnight.

5. Invent some reason for why Byakuya is always frowning and feed it to his fan girls. (like the last time Byakuya smiled, someone was put in a coma)

6. Ask Renji Abarai if he enjoyed the yaoi about him and his drinking buddies.

7. When he is drunk, interview him about every female soul reaper and post the answers the very next morning.

8. Write a very creative (funny) story about how Reji got his tattoos. (please include the keywords: Byakuya, kicked, drunken, ass, Yamamoto)

9. Show this to Byakuya.

10. As I stated before, you must run like hell before they kicked your ass.

Squad 7

1. Find a suitable gigai for Sajin Komamura.

2. If you can't, then just find the largest human sized gigai and have Kisuke Urahara customize it by putting dog ears and some beard and mustache hair.

3. Make a doggy door at the entrance of the Squad 7 barracks that acutally fits Komamura.

4. Give him a squeaky toy when he says he's going for a break.

5. Install a fire hydrant in Komamura's room.

6. Pit Nanao Ise and Iba Tetsuzaemon in a fight for the S.W.A or the S.M.A funds.

7. Watch as Nanao smacks him silly with a paper fan.

8. Invite Ikkaku Maderame to the fight.

9. Videotape fight and play for whoever wants to watch it. (Nanao Ise)

10. Listen to the Shinigami Women's Association's laughter.

Squad 8

1. Let Mayuri Kurosutchi set up a date for Shunsui Kyoraku.

2. Dump all of Squad 8's liquor into the Squad 11 barracks. (or better yet Squad 1, Squad 2, Squad 6, Squad 10)

3. Blame it on Shunsui.

4. When Shunsui is taking a nap, get together with Yachiru and draw all over his face. (You don't need to be shy, write whatever the hell you want.)

5. Tell Nanao that he was at a bar, drinking sake and tipping the pretty waitresses there.

6. Tell Nanao Ise that her captain had been introduce to Yuri. (and not in a good way)

7. Then let it slip that some of that yuri features her and someone else.

8. Hide Shunsui somewhere safe while Nanao broods in anger and shame. (we do not want one of our captains getting hurt before they get a chance to fight that bastard Aizen)

9. People will probably freak when she takes off her glasses. (her subordinates to be exact)

10. Run . . .

Squad 9

1. Mess with the printing presses and auto-change every word "fight" into Hisagi.

2. For example: Kenpachi Zaraki would like to Hisagi you!

3. Watch as his subordinates in the Seireitei Communication Magazine staff snicker at this, but bring in Nanao Ise and Retsu Unohana just in case someone wants gets cold feet.

4. Introduce Shuhei Hisagi to the "King Of Rock" Elvis Presley.

5. Oh my, that was a very inadequate guitar solo. (Setting your guitar on fire with a kido and playing it with a wooden pick is a very dangerous things indeed)

Squad 10

1. Place a cardboard cutout of Toshiro Hitsuguya, who is smiling and holding his hand out to a certain height that is certainly taller than 4.4 feet. (yes, the cutout must be taller than him)

2. Blare Vivaldi in his office, claiming the Real World superstition of classical music will make a child more intelligent is true just as a child who sleeps well grows well.

3. Matsumoto is actually doing work.

4. She was just doing work to cover up the large sum of money she took out of the Squad's budget.

5. MATSUMOTO! (Toshiro should become a male opera prodigy as well)

6. Take Rangiku Matsumoto's cosmetics, hair products, lotion, and rejuvenating potions and blend them all into a simple, colorful solution. (smells nasty though)

7. Fill Matsumoto's room full of Hitsuguya's paperwork.

8. Give her purple streaks in her blond hair.

9. Convince Hitsuguya to let Matsumoto drink, but give her so much sake that she actually gets sober with a killer hangover. (Note: this was tested only on Rangiku Matsumoto. Do not consume that much alcohol. This was only a scientific observation)

10. Compare her to the human's superstar sensation, Miss Britney Spears.

Squad 11

1. Dye Kenpachi's hair pink.

2. Put blush on him.

3. Actually, Yamamoto thought Yachiru went under a gender change operation.

4. But he didn't.

5. Replace the bells on Kenpachi's hair with Christmas lights.

6. Tell Yachiru that the land of suagarplums exist . . .somewhere in the Soul Society.

7. Give her a can of the human beverage "soda".

8. Say that the S.W.A is plotting a conspiracy behind her back. Send her to Yamamoto-Soutaicho that whatever the S.W.A is planning, ban it.

9. But it was really just a meeting and they were discussing the issue of Central 46 forbidding any sugar products.

10. Poor Yachiru.

11. Have the entire Squad 11 replay the human movie Hannibal, and make Kenpachi Zaraki . . . Hannibal Lector and Yachiru was Clarise - spaceisforstars.

Squad 12

1. Let Yachiru use Mayuri's makeup as paint . . .and he was the piece of paper . . .

2. Ask annoying, but rhetorical questions such as: Is that contianer dangerous?

3. Make a poll for the Soul Society to decide who was a more badass Chief of the Department of Research and Development: Kisuke Urahara or Mayuri Kurosutchi. (Be sure to make Mayuri agree to not harm anyone who votes for Kisuke. People are scared of revenge, especially from a giant baby/caterpillar.

4. Play "Radar" by Britney Spears all day in the Squad 12's laboratory.

5. Turn the volume to an ear-splitting volume.

6. Mayuri, may I have something to hit myself with?

7. Nemu could you tell me what to do now?

8. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Squad 13

1. When Ukitake is napping, use a red color marker to outline his mouth and eyes.

2. Let Kiyone and Sentaro in the room.

3. Stand about 100 feet away from the room.

4. Leave lipstick markings on his haori to prove the fact that Jushiro Ukitake indeed has a wife/girlfriend.

5. Go get'em . . .girl/boy/woman/man . . .

* * *

Author's Note: After Mayuri Kurosutchi hacked onto Flamesandblackroses's laptop, he leaked this list to the Catains of the Gotei 13. So in exchange for not showing this to their subordinates, she was given a one month pass to a five minute start before the major poisonings, burns, frostbites, cuts, the multipying of mass, flattened, and blasted by a pink tiger.

* * *

I am going away for a week to San Francisco. T_T . . . If you want to submit some of your own ideas, drop a review to let me know and I'll publish them here with full credit. So Reviews :)


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